Brian Regan has a bit about how parents get to say things that people without kids would never get to say.Examples include "Give me back my fudge suitcase" and "If hernias were rainbows, I'd be Raymond Burr". Ray Romano has a routine in which he mentions that when he is driving at night and needs to stay awake, he tries to think up sentences that no one has ever said (followed by a situation in which they would be).And then you realize that someone who went to an institution of higher learning apparently said something that nonsensical and your eyes close and they find you dead of an aneurysm in your bathroom. From Lewis Black: " If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college." The bit is about how crazy he went trying to figure out what specific circumstances would make that sentence make sense.From Carlin's above-mentioned book: "THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.'".They have a search warrant, and the 300 kilos of cocaine are still sitting out in the living room." The sentence? "As soon as I put this red hot poker in my ass, I'm going to go chop my dick off!" He then moved on to yet more rare sentences, like "Honey, let's sell the children, move to Zanzibar, and begin taking opium rectally," and "Honey, it's the police. At that point he declared that he would say a sentence that no one before him had ever said. It started off talking about things you never see, then transitioned into things you never hear. He had another bit that utilized this.Stephen, I was driving my hearse to the wholesale liverwurst outlet when suddenly a hermaphrodite in a piano truck backed out of a crackhouse driveway." One of his books features a paragraph-long sentence entitled, "No One Ever Wrote This Sentence Before." It starts off: "On the feast of St. They included "Hand me that piano," which actually was used in an episode of The Goon Show.George Carlin had a list of "things nobody would ever say.". note The headline "Local man gets nipple bitten off by beaver"… we didn't say it wasn't disturbing. One of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck" jokes involves the rare nonoffensive use of the words "nipple" and "beaver" in the same sentence.
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